Welcome! <3

Welcome!
This being our first post on Blogger (or ever, for that matter) we wanted to keep it light. Credit for this goes to Abigail van Buren, or 'Dear Abby' as she is in many newspapers across the country. She's been reading letters and responding to the public for years and years, and people still turn to her today for their toughest questions. Here are a few we found to be good questions to start; we thank Abby for these and have put our own twist on them. Enjoy.

DEAR ABBY: I am 38 years young and still single. I enjoy my friends, my freedom and rock concerts. My issue is that at the last two concerts I went to, I heard men -- or boys -- say, "Watch out. Here come the cougars!" I think this is insulting. Or is it?
Can you define a "cougar"? I don't know whether I should be insulted or take it as a compliment. -- STILL ROCKIN' IN IRVINE

Dear Rockin': Nowadays, a cougar isn't just a large cat (a.k.a. an animal), but rather an older woman who enjoys pursuing and actively dating much younger men. Generally speaking, the term doesn't carry a good connotation. If men are calling out 'cougar' as you walk past, it means you probably are one. It's not a difficult phenomenon to spot, seeing as how cougars have a wonderful way of dressing the part. A woman with breasts down to their navel (bras haven't been outlawed yet, ladies!) in their John Mellencamp tank tops and leather hot-pants generally stick out in today's concert crowd. Check your concert photos and see if you and your friends' mug-shots fit the mold. Now, if you think there is even the slightest chance that you might be a 'cougar,' that doesn't mean that you have to feel guilty and stop going to concerts. Just dress your age (at least keep MOST of your body covered, please) and remember that the next generation has taken over the concert scene (this means you're NOT going to find a date).

Oh, and by the way, might we suggest that you refrain from using tacky and irritating phrases as well? You're not '38 years young,' you're '38 years old', get the fuck over it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "Wade" for six years. The situation is this: He has gotten into trouble and can't be around children because he's a registered sex offender. I have an 11-month-old daughter by him. I want to be with Wade and work our relationship out, but if I do, I'll have to give custody of my daughter to my parents and live in my own place with him. I'm in love with Wade, but I don't know if he loves or wants to be with me anymore despite the fact he keeps saying he wants to be with me. Am I being silly for still wanting to be with him? Your thoughts, please. -- CONFUSED AND TORN IN ILLINOIS

Dear Confused: The rest of the world may question your choice in a mate, but if you're determined to make it work, looking to parents for help raising your child maybe isn't such a bad idea. You and Wade have probably discussed the relationship at length and I can imagine he wants to make it work as well --seeing as you're the only female who screams something other than 'HELP!' during sex. However, if your parents are opposed to taking care of the child on their own, offer to hire a nanny (preferably one over eighteen years of age... wouldn't want any repeats of last time, now!). As an added benefit to the relationship, your child's sex education should be easily taken care of.


DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are unsure how to deal with this, so he suggested I write to you. We have lovely dining room chairs covered with celadon green fabric. In spite of the fact that I always use cloth napkins(and placemats and tablecloths), several of our guests have left large stains on the upholstery from dropping food or from their dirty hands. The stains are very difficult to remove when we can get them out at all, and the chairs have become unsightly. Three of our most recent dinner guests left chairs stained. One mark covered most of the seat. These guests are not heavy drinkers. How can we get them to keep their napkins in a position to avoid this? And how do we get them to keep their soiled hands off the chairs? Judging from the condition of their napkins, they ARE using them. -- UNHAPPY HOSTESS IN FLORIDA

Dear Unhappy Hostess:
First of all: DILLIGAF? If you're that upset about your precious dining room furniture, might we suggest having the chairs recovered? Though, rumour has it that there is a shortage of celadon green fabric in the marketplace today, so it might be smarter to just change the decor. However, a more pertinent concern might be finding new friends instead of new chairs; your dinner guests are obviously either pigs or infants if they can't manage to keep their filthy hands (and dinner) off of your chairs. So by the sound of your dilemma, (and if you're just not ready to make new friends) it would be wise to go with a farm or nursery theme. Might we also suggest plastic covering, in case they wet themselves? Good luck. :D

Muffy and Muffy do hope you enjoyed the premier post, and if you have a burning question or concern and you just don't know where to turn, you can drop us a line at muffyandmuffy@gmail.com. We would be happy to answer any question. Buhbye everybody!
Muffy & Muffy <3